Trying to think of a confession…
When I was in junior high I was with a group of kids, and someone stole a plant from the front of a grocery store. Later that night, I had my friend drive me back to return the plant! Even though I wasn’t the one that took it, I was convinced there would be cameras with me on them!
Archive for June, 2007
Trying to think of a confession…
Today I took Emily to camp for two weeks.
I felt her absense as soon as I got in the car to drive home.
Felt like I was sending her off to the wolves. (Okay, wolves is a little strong, it is a bible camp afterall)
If any of you want to e-mail her these next two weeks, maybe she would remember she has a home!
email@example.com in the subject line just put :
Camper: Emily Smith (cabin 103)
She won’t be able to e-mail back, but it would be pretty cool if she got a TON of mail!
Today my confession is this:
I had my first (and only) hangover when I was fourteen.
My friend and I decieded we were going to drink, and having never done so before, we figured we could just mix everything in the liquor cabinet together in a large water glass with a splash of diet coke, and it would be good. Three water glasses later, we were both very sick. 😦
Because I am anything but conventional…. Happy un-anniversary Steve! I love you. I found a paper I wrote in college, about the day you proposed to me, so I thought I would share that now.
As I sit upon the cold, grey stone, I remember the way it felt that day. The orange-yellow glow from the horizon gave evidence of the hot afternoon that was quickly dwindling in a typical evening for a summer in Seattle. The rocks felt warm as we sat upon them, and the salty sea breeze began to turn cold.
There we sat, in silence, gazing into each others eyes. The sun reflecting off the water gave a reflection in his steel blue eyes that I had never seen before. The sea gulls above were hovering, straining to hear the thoughts running through our turning minds.
I knew why he had come, I knew why we were here, it was just that anticipation, that ever gnawing felling in my gut telling me, ‘this is it, Amy, I hope you are prepared.’ Just then he began to rise, I could see the excitement on his face. He paused halfway up, dropping back down to one knee, wincing a little from the concrete-like stones digging unmercifully into his leg. And he began to speak, telling me of his love for me, and how he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me. He paused again, this time only to catch his breath, and wipe the salty droplets that were running from his forehead down to his chin, and began again. Quivering he spoke … “Amy, will you … “
At that moment all time stood still, and I recalled all the things that I fell in love with so long ago. The way the sun has colored the back of his neck to a rich golden brown, so that the freckles stand out from three feet away. The way that his skin smells so sweet when I hug his thick neck. Those wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, the ones that only come to a man who spends his whole life on a field, squinting from the noon day sun as he dives to catch a ball. Those notes he leaves in all of my things, the ones that pick me up and speak to me just when I need it the most. The gentle and humble spirit he has that would do nothing but praise you. The way he makes my insides spin like a ferris wheel when he says hello. How his smile lights up his whole face. And how he loves me, how he loves me more completely than anything ever before.
He finished his thought, …”marry me?” I cried out with joy, “Yes, yes I will!” And we embraced, the kind of embrace that lasts a lifetime, the kind of embrace you see at the end of a movie when the prince rescues his princess. The kind of embrace you long for your whole life.
We stood, held each other again, and walked arm in arm back up the windy hill enroute to my house. Somehow the future looked a little more clear, the trees were a little more green, and the night seemed to have less of that ever present darkness.
So here I sit, upon the very rock I sat just three days ago. He is gone now, boarded a 737 back to sunny San Diego. And tears of shear joy and happiness stream from my eyes as I thank God for the most perfect gift I could ever receive, as I question, “Why me? … Why have I been so blessed?”, and as I praise Him for being so faithful to give me exactly what I’ve needed.
My memories of that Friday night will be forever ingrained upon my soul, as will the love I have for my best friend for life. My life’s partner, the one I dream with, laugh with, live for, and love.
Time to confess:
I sucked my thumb until I was ten years old (Had braces for four and a half years too).
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed goes on to the next as blossom, and so that which came to me as blossom goes on as fruit.